He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
