Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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