they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....