I just threw up on my dentist
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
