Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

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  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7672) Bad night (970)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

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  (270): Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house? http://tfl.nu/tnd3
  Replies (30) Good night (9265) Bad night (718)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

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  (845): Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka. http://tfl.nu/zb0y
  Replies (10) Good night (5904) Bad night (814)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.

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  (570): he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough. http://tfl.nu/fko8
  Replies (8) Good night (5025) Bad night (839)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it

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  (908): idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it http://tfl.nu/l3eq
  Replies (4) Good night (2139) Bad night (1037)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.

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  (519): It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band. http://tfl.nu/y1g3
  Replies (18) Good night (1129) Bad night (5310)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower

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  (518): They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower http://tfl.nu/ye9z
  Replies (10) Good night (3483) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

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  (315): Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife. http://tfl.nu/jnj1
  Replies (7) Good night (3108) Bad night (861)
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  (415): View more from California

  I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.

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  (415): I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level. http://tfl.nu/gvuc
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!

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  (601): This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK! http://tfl.nu/gkpr
  Replies (11) Good night (1406) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin

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  (312): If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin http://tfl.nu/83ln
  Replies (9) Good night (687) Bad night (1043)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.

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  (410): You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it. http://tfl.nu/i008
  Replies (6) Good night (1529) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer

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  (440): Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer http://tfl.nu/t9hh
  Replies (4) Good night (1230) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.

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  (256): I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down. http://tfl.nu/18pc
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.

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  (303): Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me. http://tfl.nu/gipg
  Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (298)

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