Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down