i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years