My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.