Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out

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  (303): oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out http://tfl.nu/89b7
  Replies (16) Good night (850) Bad night (3666)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.

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  (303): Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper. http://tfl.nu/rq4b
  Replies (68) Good night (9064) Bad night (856)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.

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  (973): I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like. http://tfl.nu/4kjo
  Replies (13) Good night (4935) Bad night (727)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back

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  (973): Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back http://tfl.nu/zjkd
  Replies (22) Good night (7486) Bad night (842)
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  (805): View more from California

  Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.

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  (805): Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die. http://tfl.nu/cdvk
  Replies (13) Good night (832) Bad night (2750)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking in an igloo changes everything.

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  (412): Drinking in an igloo changes everything. http://tfl.nu/71hs
  Replies (37) Good night (6738) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (11265) Bad night (1399)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

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  (503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit. http://tfl.nu/ykdx
  Replies (45) Good night (5529) Bad night (1721)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it

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  (973): Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it http://tfl.nu/e8zq
  Replies (6) Good night (3680) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

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  (931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403
  Replies (20) Good night (4066) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.

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  (719): Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming. http://tfl.nu/flfj
  Replies (5) Good night (1633) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.

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  (631): She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat (1-631): SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT. http://tfl.nu/se9g
  Replies (5) Good night (1441) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period

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  (440): Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period http://tfl.nu/lfle
  Replies (8) Good night (2351) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.

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  (614): There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse. http://tfl.nu/wnun
  Replies (4) Good night (1363) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.

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  (843): Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well. http://tfl.nu/pwpy
  Replies (3) Good night (1507) Bad night (515)

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