Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.

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  (860): Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV. http://tfl.nu/ridn
  Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (2488)
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  (530): View more from California

  the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

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  (530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo http://tfl.nu/dqpo
  Replies (25) Good night (10494) Bad night (1137)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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  (917): Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee http://tfl.nu/mgtx
  Replies (8) Good night (4964) Bad night (768)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

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  (678): Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action. http://tfl.nu/m88z
  Replies (26) Good night (5537) Bad night (1702)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman

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  (703): he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman http://tfl.nu/zmqz
  Replies (22) Good night (4219) Bad night (2237)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking

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  (321): Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking http://tfl.nu/fefy
  Replies (39) Good night (7475) Bad night (1036)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.

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  (937): I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him. http://tfl.nu/k4ub
  Replies (21) Good night (4021) Bad night (1777)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

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  (518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4
  Replies (11) Good night (4527) Bad night (831)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.

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  (816): I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste. http://tfl.nu/fckj
  Replies (32) Good night (5544) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

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  (502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq
  Replies (48) Good night (5060) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  Why don't we hang out more often?

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  (940): I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2. (1-940): Why don't we hang out more often? http://tfl.nu/7whw
  Replies (8) Good night (1123) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.

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  (541): I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house. http://tfl.nu/7lqp
  Replies (6) Good night (1060) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Americans.

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  (260): The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me. (314): What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?! (260): Americans. http://tfl.nu/hz6i
  Replies (6) Good night (651) Bad night (181)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening

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  (301): I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening http://tfl.nu/y28c
  Replies (1) Good night (190) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.

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  (513): He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog. http://tfl.nu/uit4
  Replies (4) Good night (131) Bad night (470)

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