So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
