how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
