but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
