If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
be right there i have to get my cape
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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