It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
