smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I cut my penus on the lid.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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