Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
