Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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