who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
