how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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