So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
