just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
