Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY