My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.