We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
