I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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