A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
