I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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