You work out of a Hotel?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
