got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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