shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
