Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
