He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
