I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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