dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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