it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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