I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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