If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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