you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
