I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
