saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
