she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
