Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
