I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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