So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
