"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
