Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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