it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
