she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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