Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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