i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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