You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am one with the molecules
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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