My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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