How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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