What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
