look no pants
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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