i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
