and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
