Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
