if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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