There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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