i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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