K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
