It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
