I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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