Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
