ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
