Pappa wants mamma naked
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
