Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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