you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
