john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
