he puts the penis in happiness.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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