Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
