Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This house was built for laser tag.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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