nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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