I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
