omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
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I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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