So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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