You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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