i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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